Delivered~ July 10, 2008
Length~ 9.75 inches
This is a little story about our sweet baby Josiah.
This is a very emotional story with pictures at the end, so I want to let you know up front, that you can either choose to get the tissue box or go to another page. For I can almost guarantee that tears will come and you will be touched.
In late March of 2008, we found out that we were expecting our latest blessing. This was baby number ten (10)! WOW!!! We were taken off guard, thinking that we might never conceive again. Ariel was almost 3 and we hadn't conceived yet. So when we found out the day after Easter, we were quite surprised yet had that goofy grin that goes with knowing you are extremely happy.
Life continued forward. I was coaching softball for the first time that spring. Being a novice at the sport, but taking the head coach position since my assistant coach was due in the middle of the season. Coach Kris actually knew more about softball than I did, but with her being third trimester pregnant, she couldn't take the lead position. So I became head coach. I was also still dancing at church on Sundays. I find extreme joy when I worship the Lord through dance. I was also working on a choreographed piece for communion with another friend for Mother's Day.
Life was sweet. Everything going according to plan. Zac graduated at the end of May. We built a deck. Greeted Beau's ship when it came home from deployment in the Mediterranean in early June. Had a graduation party for Zac. Sent Isaac to Florida with our van and the scout troop. Busy life and happy life.Then on July 3, at a regularly scheduled centering group, there was no heart beat for our baby. We were 19 and a half weeks pregnant. It was devastating. Our beautiful tenth blessing was dead. After I found out that the baby had died in utero, I cried like I have never cried before. They called John at work and broke the news to him. He left work immediately to join me at the midwife's office at the hospital. I still had to have the official ultrasound to confirm that the baby was indeed in heaven with Jesus.
At that point the centering coordinator came back into the room and asked me to rejoin the group. They wanted to be with me and comfort me at this difficult time. As I sat there not really knowing what to do, I felt strongly impressed to go in and pray with the group. As I made up my mind that no matter what I was going to glorify God no matter what the outcome. I also realized that I only had one chance to pray for God to bring my baby back to life. Once he was outside my uterus, I knew he could not survive. He was just too young. So I walked into the room, fully determined to pray for a miracle no matter what the outcome. As I encouraged the other ladies and gentlemen to gather round me and lay hands on me, I lead out in prayer for my baby to come back to life. After I finished praying I found that I had to pray for the others in the room because they were all pregnant and would be struggling with all the 'what if' emotions. Needless to say, my baby did not get resurrected. For the next week, I walked around with a dead baby in my womb. The doctor made it clear that he did not want to deliver me on a holiday weekend with the short staff. Our youngest daughter would celebrate her third birthday on the following Tuesday, and I did not want to intentionally chance having our baby born on her birthday by choice, or my possibly missing her birthday. So I opted to wait until Wednesday evening to go to the hospital to start the induction.The labor was about 12 hours long. I started that morning at barely one cm dilated. At 6:03 PM I delivered our baby, sac, placenta and all. It was very surreal. I had the opportunity to take care of my baby by opening his sac, then removing the umbilical cord off of his neck. We realized that the cause for his death was strangulation from the umbilical cord. Then I was able to hold him for the first time. He was beautiful. He was perfect. He had his dad's feet and nose. All ten fingers and ten toes. Eyes that had yet to open, but a tongue in his little mouth. He was perfect. But he was in heaven. He was not to be with us.Not having any information given to us at the doctors office, but sent home to make decisions was the toughest part. No one to counsel us on our options and knowing that the option of the hospital "disposing" of my baby like a miscellaneous piece of flesh, just was not an option. After much prayer, research on the internet, and talking with people, we decided that we would bury our baby at home. I made a beautiful little box for him covered in baby blue satin and lined in baby blue crushed penne. It was sweet, not perfect, but made by me. John cleared a spot in the wood line, and a friend brought over his equipment to dig a six foot hole. On Saturday July 12, 2008 at 10am we held a Christian burial for our precious little one. John performed the ceremony on a beautiful and gorgeous sunny Ohio morning. Everyone present cried. All our children but Beau, present with us along with family and friends. This would become our special memorial garden where we buried our precious baby's body. But Josiah had gone to heaven early to be with Jesus. Life will never be quite the same. Things are getting back to a new normal, but Josiah will always live on in our hearts. Any woman who loses a baby can relate to this. People don't know how to respond. They still think that you can just move on. But as soon as you find out you are pregnant you start caring for that baby. He is an important part of your life, just like those children who make it into the world without any complications and live to be a hundred and three! Below you will find pictures of our baby. These were taken by a lady who is part of a national organization called 'Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep'. They do this as a service and are non-profit. These are pictures that we will treasure for the rest of time. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.